My Sweet Little Pain
by yue-chan
Summary: I used to sleep in a bed of roses. But I realize I like the thorns much better:. Yaoi. COMPLETE. Happy new year!
1. Chapter 1

Okay, first things first: I can't believe I finally finished this. After thirteen mouths and some major blocks I finally finished MSLP.

Now, to cut the drama and go to the point: as I said, this story is already complete. Since it's more like a scrap book than an actual story I'll try to post one chapter per week, maybe more if I have time and if the feedback is positive. Another thing you need to have in mind is this story (as the title suggests) talks about **sadomasochism**. And while I do not believe it portrays it on a way people are used to see in fanfics (or anywhere else for that matter) the essence is here so be prepared.

Guess that's it. For the ones who stay, feel free to R&R!

* * *

_My sweet little pain_

* * *

I used to sleep in a bed of roses. But I realize I like the thorns much better.

That's what attracted me to him in the first place, I guess.

He was a thorn's master. I knew it the moment our eyes met and his soon-to-be-famous dark smirk was formed.

But he didn't stop or anything. He didn't even acknowledge me in anyway other than that broken half-second smile of his. No, he just keep going, just another kid walking down the hall. The only bonus was the scientists, following each step, even if a little hesitant.

So, I just keep walking too, following the orders I was given. Orders that send me to the opposite direction. Keeping my head up like always, I denied myself the chance to look back and see which lab he was assigned to.

But God, how I wish I had.


	2. Chapter 2

Here we go. Another chapter.

Thanks to GabZ (chapters will get bigger but since this fic is more like a scrap book there won't be much 'normal' chapters).

I'll try to update on Friday.

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

It took ages until we met again.

Like me, he had grown a bit, but we looked completely different. While I was still slim, small pieces of baby fat hidden here and there he was…I don't know…stuffed? Like a big plushy animal but, instead of all that soft stuff, the only thing filling him were muscles, shoved under his pale skin until it was all stretched.

The funny thing? It kind of suited him.

But I have to say I forgot everything about his looks when our first fight started.

Broken ribs. Broken jaw.

Broken pride.

I've never felt so alive.

_-x-_

I woke a couple hours later, still felling a little dizzy and with all my body throbbing. Nevertheless, it would take a lot more to make me unable to recognize my own room, or even not notice most of my wounds were already half-healed.

The joys of been a lab rat, I guess.

Forcing myself up I stood on my shaky legs, carefully reaching the small bathroom at the other side of the room. If fast healing was what I got for been a lab rat, my own bathroom was the 'teacher pet' prize.

Getting in, my eyes immediately fell upon the mirror, spotting something dark in my face. I got closer and, blinking the rest of the dizziness away, finally realize what it was.

"So it was a cut." – I felt blood on my face somewhere during the fight and was even aware of an annoying bone-snapping sound but I thought he had tore the skin open with the raw power of his new muscles. Instead, he had cut it gracefully, a swift never-hesitant movement with the perfect amount of force.

I smiled, slowly tracing the cut with my fingertips. The border was ice-cold but the middle was somehow warm and soft.

Yeah, he was a thorn's master.

The best I ever met.


	3. Chapter 3

Hello again!

GabZ – I'm happy you liked the length. ^^

NorthernShinigami – Welcome! Hope you like the drive!

Next update will probably on Tuesday. Hope I see you guys then!

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

I was back into training in no time and absolutely thrilled with the idea of having him around. Needless to say I started to pair with him every way I could, even if we would be fighting alongside instead of against each other. He was a master, after all. He didn't need to fight against me (or even fight at all) to make me feel alive.

The guards never complained. Not even he was the only worth opponent around but they couldn't care less about my injuries. Besides no one was strong enough to withstand all those wounds without end up on the med wing or in a plastic bag. Lucky me.

But I couldn't lose forever. I realize that the day the scientists started experimenting on me again. Something was… off. Even if I was used to it by now, I couldn't shake the feeling things were about to get out of handle soon. New drugs and new tests were never good news but, when the scientists started to talk about new limits, I knew I was in deep shit.

What the hell was going on?

_-x-_

"We're done." – the men said, writing something on his clipboard. Soon he was leaving the lab without a second glance. Now, that was normally my chance to get back to my room, lie down and sleep of whatever was pumped into me.

The problem was: I couldn't. My body refused to budge.

_Now what?_ – closing my eyes, I tried to make myself comfortable. That wouldn't be so hard if I wasn't shirtless, in a steel table and, am I forgetting something? Oh, right! I'm in Russia! The frozen-ass country everybody loves so much!

Guess comfort was a little beyond my reach right now.

Unfortunately or not, I started to hear voices getting near. Keeping my breath even (not hard considering the circumstances), I pretend to be asleep. Sure, nobody was around yet, but you can never know.

And soon enought the door open and the voices got a lot closer.

"How is the project doing?"

_Voltaire?_ – I hacked my brain trying to remember the last time I saw the old man. What was he doing here anyway?

"Patience, old friend." – that voice I knew very well. Boris. – "We're still at the beginning."

_Beginning of what? Damn it! I shouldn't be listening this!_

"Drop the act, Balkov. You know, as well as I do, the time is coming."

_Time? But it's not that late for the World's tournament, is it?_

"As you wish." – steps echoed again and I thanked my stiffness with all my being. The sound of a keyboard being used filled the room – "He is doing well, but still below the expectations."

"He will never beat him like this." – Voltaire spat and my heart miss a beat. If they were talking about me, than there was only one person I couldn't defeat.

"My bird scares you?" – Boris chuckled.

"Your bird is a monster not even you can control." – the other man hissed at the 'bird' and I bite my tongue. Hard.

"That's because he is the best, don't you agree, old friend?" – I could feel hate take over the room. Boris was playing with fire.

Or was the other way around?

"He won't be for long." – if the undertone was any indication, Voltaire was beyond pissed – "Tala will lead."

_-x-_

Somehow, after what felt like an eternity, I managed to stand and get back to my room. Yes, I was still trembling but at least I wasn't that cold anymore. Not for the weather anyway.

_Tala will lead._ – Voltaire's voice keep repeating, again and again, worst than every taunt I've ever heard.

_I don't want to._ – it was my only defense. The long forgotten will of an orphan boy. It had never mattered before and I was pretty sure it wouldn't matter now. Still, that was all I got.

_What can I do, if Boris forces me?_ – the right answer was 'nothing' but I couldn't let things go his way this time. Boris may have trained me when no one else gave a shit but his thorns are blunt and his aim is poor. He can't even control his own strength, smashing people just like he smashes things.

But I'm not a thing. I deserve better. So, for once, I will stand up and fight. Sure, I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to lead but, if it means I have to defeat the one who made me alive again, I wouldn't obey.

In that dark room I made a vow. The first I ever made in my life.

I would not lead.

Never.


	4. Chapter 4

Here we go! New chapter.

Guest – Glad you like it! ^^

Next update: Friday.

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

Never…funny word, isn't it?

In took longer than I thought but, sometime during the tests and new drugs I…changed. I'm not sure how or when but everything started to slowly fade, turning my already pitiful world in a sick grey blur. Suddenly, Boris' orders were all that matter. I had to obey him, at any cost.

That is, until I was forced to fight my dear thorn master again.

It has been a while since our last battle and he changed as well. Now a bit taller than me, his muscles didn't seem so stuffed anymore. Not that he was slim now, far from that. To be honest, he looked like a brick wall but, at the same time, it was almost…what's the word? Harmonious? Not quite but something among those lines.

But, of course, I just realized that now, looking at my cell's ceiling. That's right. Cell.

Guess victory is life after all.

Cause I have lost. Again. I blocked each one of his attacks, fighting back with all the ice now running in my veins but, when the last blow came…I couldn't finish. His thorns had cut through my orders and, for a split second, all the colors were back.

I remembered my vow. Looking at his eyes, those foreign untamable eyes, everything came crashing over my head and I was alive again.

Too bad Boris didn't like it.

So, here I was, in a 4x4 dark cell, living with two meals and three beatings per day. With some luck, there is just another one of each for me to be released, but I can only hope.

Suddenly, light is everywhere and my eyes are burning. I close them and try not to moan, barely registering the sound of the door being unlocked and opened. A shiver went down my spine. Something is wrong. Why the silence? Why the…carefulness, was it? Hn. Whatever. It's not supposed to be like that!

There should be stupid guards entering with a hell of a noise, cracking knuckles and making bad dirty jokes about redheads. Why the hell whoever was sent here to beat me was been careful and quiet?

"Still alive, Red?"

My eyes shot open and I sit on the floor, all in one heart beat. Standing in front of me was him, knife in hand, frowning at my pathetic state.

_Why are you here? _– I wanted to ask, but the pain was too much. Damn it! I shouldn't have moved so fast! Letting the moan I was holding out, I fell back on the cold stone, the cell spinning around me.

He walks over me and I can barely hear his footsteps. I miss whatever he says along the way too. But by no means have I missed his face right in front of mine, his hot breath trickling my skin, his fingertips running over my swollen cheek.

"They never do it right." – he says, eyeing the bruise with disgust. Soon, the blade is on my face, slowly cutting through the damaged skin. I bite back a smile.

_No, they never do right. Not like you._

Blood flows from the cut, the warmth spreading leisurely over my cold face. I close my eyes, enjoying your mastery. Why you took so long to come?

"I'm here to punish you. You know that, right?" – he whispers, licking my dirty face clean. I bite my lip hard, shivers running through my whole body. Shakily I nod, too afraid of what would come out if I dared open my mouth.

He smirks his dark smirk and goes on.

_-x-_

"Why?"

I crack one eye open, trying to focus on him. The lights have been turned off long ago so all that I had was the dim glow coming from under the door. Apparently, he was sitting on the floor, back against the wall, looking at me. His expression, however, was beyond my eyes reach.

"Why…what?" – I force myself to say. He was never one to speak much so I was curious.

"Why you are what you are?"

I blink, both eyes open now. How on Earth was I supposed to answer that?

He let out a sigh. I could almost see his frustration.

"You enjoy pain. So why do you obey Boris?" – he tries to elaborate and I begin to see where he is going – "Are you afraid of death?"

I bite my lip hard enough to taste blood. Should I tell?

"Like you said…they never do it right." – I close my eyes again, too tired to keep them open. At least, that's what I tell myself.

"And I do?" – he replies, clearly not believing my words.

"Yeah…"

I didn't hear him getting up but I could feel him getting near again. Soon, his fingers are tracing the cuts over my arms and chest, slowly reaching my face. A small smile twists my lips before I can stop it.

"Is that why you don't want to be captain?" – he whispers and I can't keep my eyes closed any longer.

"H-how…?"

"Is it?" – he press his fingers over a cut, short nails digging through my flesh, draining blood once again. I moan.

"To lead I have to… defeat you…If I do…I won't feel alive. "

He stops pressing the cut, bringing his lips to it like he did every other time. His tongue feels like salt on the wound.

"I don't give a shit." – he says, eyes stabbing mines – "Hold back again and I'll kill you."

My heart stops at his statement. My arms embrace him with all the strength I have last.

"Why?" – my eyes are wide with fear, the ultimate sigh of weakness, but I don't care – "Don't you like…"

"You never scream." – he smirks, satisfied with my reactions. Apparently, I have done exactly what he wanted me to do – "I like it. Screams are annoying. "

I blink, utterly confused.

"But Boris can suck it if he thinks I will be captain. "


	5. Chapter 5

GabZ – Twisted is fun. At least in the D-boys case ^^

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

Things started to change after that. Teams were divided and, since I have never lost to him again, I was finally named captain. In addition he and I ended up at the same team, which was a very delightful bonus, even better than those two guys, Spencer and Ian. They weren't bad, but they weren't masters either. Far from it.

We also gained beasts! Bit-beasts actually but still beasts! After hearing about it for so long I was finally good enough to gain one! We all were! It feels like a rite of passage or something, like we're leaving whatever that made us kids behind and actually becoming a wolf, a falcon, a whale and a snake.

I just had two silent complains. The first, I admit, is pretty stupid. The second is slowly killing me. However, since thinking about it just hurts even more I'll just start with the first one and pretend the shame can distract me long enough to forget the second. (I give five second, tops)

The name. Yes, that was my first problem. Why the hell Boris gave us that name? I mean, come on! He could do better than Demolition Boys! Honestly, feels like we're going to knock down a building with our bare hands not defeat an opponent in a stadium full of people.

Hn. Ten seconds. Who would have thought? Guess I'm getting good at this, which is not a good thing at all! I'm dying all over again, giving way to the ice running in my veins. Soon, everything will fade again, letting me at Boris mercy (or lack of it). A puppet waiting for his master to pull the strings.

But Boris isn't my master. He hasn't been for a long time now.

Those were the thoughts running in my head when I left my bathroom, towel in hand, attempting to dry my hair. All I wanted was a warm bed and, with some luck, a whole night without dreams, any of them. I was sick of dreams of him defeating me again or even nightmares of him leaving to never come back. I couldn't even stand remembering our sweet time during my confinement anymore (even if I did it all the time now).

If I could only…

"So, you do have a bathroom for yourself."

I stop dead at my tracks, mind going blank for good ten seconds before I realize what was going on and, even so, I wasn't sure.

"What are you doing here?" – my heart started beating faster, pumping fear and pleasure through every part of my body. He wasn't supposed to be out of his room after the curfew but, if he took such a risk to come…

…would he make me fell alive again?

He ignores my question and just stares at me, moving his eyes over my body so slowly that I start to fidget with the towel before he even reach my face. However, when our eyes met I'm finally able to understand. And I smile, a calm, serene smile I'm sure I never smiled before.

My beloved thorn master…he missed me too.

_-x-_

Before I realized, it was routine. During the day, we acted, training like we always did and obeying Boris orders the best we could (at least, from my part). Day in day out, we learned how to exceed every one of our limits, always side by side with our beasts, fighting as a team and keeping a sharp eye on everyone else. The World's tournament was coming and Boris was expecting nothing less than complete victory.

God help us all.

But that was during the day, when everything was responsibility and struggle and Boris ruled over all of us. With his breath on our necks nothing was allowed. Not ever a shy peek to the wrong place (or person).

However during the night…Well, that was a whole different story, and a whole different prayer. No, at night nothing was important, nothing but my precious and sneaky thorn's master. The only one who dared to visit me almost every night.

If I could only describe it the way he does… Starts like a soft ice-cold breeze surrounding you, crawling slowly over your skin and down to your lungs. Your body senses something is coming and all hair, from neck to toe is now up, making you even more sensitive to the soft breeze.

Then, you wait. Heart pounding and breath caught in the throat, you wait while he studies you, moving around you with deep impenetrable eyes, searching for the perfect way to strike.

And when he does...

I bite my tongue denying myself the moan stuck in my throat and I'm sure, if I only closed my eyes now, I would be able to feel the breeze freezing my skin, stopping my chest from the inside out. I would feel his invisible fingers running all over again, making me shiver like Russia's coldest night will never be able to, playing around until they finally find a spot. The right spot.

But it's always a surprise. No, you would never realize where his target is, or even when he will attack at all. Not until blood pour out the broken skin, its warmth melting away all the ice, dominating your body until you feel hot all over. Only then you will feel feverish and burning and so damn hot nothing will matter anymore. And you will wish for the ice again, taking a step forward instead of a step back.

That's how I feel every time he makes me alive again. Well, kind of. It doesn't seem right yet. Not that it matters now anyway.

My door opens. My heart misses a beat.

He's here now.

_-x-_

"They're talking." – he whispers and I came closer, afraid to miss his precious words.

"Guards or scientists? "

"Both."

I shiver but not in delight. Rumors tended to be just that, rumors. Still, it was very rare to have guards and scientists agreeing over something.

"Something is up." – he almost growls through clenched teeth.

"Something is always up here." – I came even closer, daring to lay my head on his shoulder. My eyes begin to close, even against my will – "Do we really have to discuss it now? "

"Still lightheaded?" – his voice is a whisper again and, if I didn't know any better, I would swear I heard a shy apology. Guess I did lose too much blood after all.

"You won't come tomorrow, will you?" – it's a stupid question, one I have already asked a few times since he started sneaking in my room at night.

"You can't handle me tomorrow, Red." – he get up and I fall unceremoniously over the sheets. I'm too numb to feel pain right now but the warmth he left behind is a whole different story and I curl over the area lazily.

"It's Tala." – can't help but whisper. Some days ago I realized he never called me by the name, even if everyone else in the Abbey knew it by now. I was trying to make him say it ever since.

"Sure it is." – he replies like always, dumping the blankets over my head, letting just half of my face out. I close my eyes and welcome the extra warmth.

"Yours?" – I ask without even realizing. Guess I could blame the blood loss, after I put my head back in place that is. Truth is I was dying to know. No one ever called him by his name, or even called him at all. Boris just went along with 'falcon' or 'bird', whichever suit his twisted mood better.

But I needed to know. He was my thorn master after all.

He stays quiet for so long that I thought he had already left when…

"…I don't remember."

If it was any other night I would have pressed the subject. But I was already halfway to dreamers land and nothing he said could change that.

"Too bad… 'd like call… something…"

And I was finally gone.


	6. Chapter 6

GabZ – Wicked, twisted. Did I ever mention how much I like your adjectives? XD

Updates will be a little slow now due, among other things, lack of comments. I'll keep updating every Friday until second notice.

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

If only things remained like that. Not that live in an Abbey been half-soldier half-lab-rat was something that could be called 'life' (and I was fairly sure most of the world wouldn't call it either) but, at least, I was happy. Not happy-happy but average-happy. A level the other boys were far from achieve and most never would.

But something was always up here, wasn't it? Every day was a change. Maybe not one big enough to notice, or even one worth to be remember, but a change nonetheless.

This time, that changed was me.

Looking back now, it was painfully obvious. The tests, the drugs, even the talk I was never supposed to hear.

I was so fucking blind…

_-x-_

Somehow, after a long day in the lab, I found myself in my bed, looking at the ceiling in what I guess was an utterly blank expression. I couldn't know for sure. I was too busy worrying over the sick gray slowly assimilating all the other colors and the ice running through my veins once again.

It was happening again. Soon, everything else would fade and Boris' orders will be all that mattered.

Soon, I will be dead.

"Red?"

My eyes left the ceiling to focus on my thorn master. Here he is, sitting beside me in all of his sharp glory, one hand clenching a knife, the other inside my abdomen, toying with my liver.

Still, I feel nothing.

He sighs and removes his hand, ignoring the blood that comes with it, and press an old shirt against the wound, waiting until it heals on its own. By now, he knows the exactly amount of blood I can lose without get too dizzy.

"Sorry." – I whisper, even if I'm anything but. Truth is, emotions are just words for me now.

"It would be better that way." – he stops pressuring, but don't bother removing the dark stained cloth – "But that's not what you want. "

"No, it's not." – deep down something screamed I was ruining everything. That 'not feel' was a blessing any soldier would give his right arm to have and that would definitely make a difference on the tournament. Still, there was this tiny bit of me that said I once wanted to be alive, and that was exactly the part I was trying my best to hold to.

Too bad it was slipping through my fingers.

My eyes switch back to the ceiling. The falcon had done his best and got really far however there was still a limit. If he got any further I wouldn't be able to heal right, or even heal at all. He knew that too.

"There's one thing…Never tried it before." – his voice is low, almost hesitant. For a brief second, I consider comparing him with a sculptor finishing his masterpiece or something, but I quickly suppress the urge.

"Will I bleed?" – I ask in a monotone.

"Not much."

"…Do it."

He moves, slowly laying over me. Our eyes crash, our lips soon follow.

My dear falcon. He brought me back again.

_-x-_

"Bryan."

I lift my head from his chest to stare at those untamable eyes of his. What was that again?

"My mother. " – he elaborates, seeing my confusion – "She used to call me Bryan."

I blink, still confused.

"And your father?"

He let out his dark smirk.

"Does scumbag count?"

"Probably not." – I lay my head on his chest again, enjoying the warmth and his heart's steady beats. Minutes go by in complete silence and I start to fidget. I wasn't sure why I was so nervous. Something about what he just did to me, maybe?

Fortunately, my dear thorn master (recently named Bryan) soon spokes again.

"My father was a butcher. He collected money for some people and, when they couldn't pay, he butchered them. One night, he butchered my mom. Guess I was four at the time."

"You run away?" – I wasn't sure why we were talking about his past. Had he just remembered?

"No. I stayed and learned. And one night I butchered him."

I couldn't help but smile proudly. That was my falcon.


	7. Chapter 7

GabZ – Yeah, I think Bryan would do that too. It's so his style.

NorthernShinigami – This whole story is 100% Tala's POV. Sorry if I confused you -.-'

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

"You'll be leaving soon. "

I froze, shirt still on my hand, heart going mad in my chest. I hear the door close and soft steps come closer, slowly breaking the spell until I can finally raise my head and met his eyes. And sure enough there they are, unreadable as always.

"You won't come." – it wasn't a question, even if I felt like asking. After countless days of training I really thought we would face the World's tournament together.

"Not until the finals. "

"Why?" – my heart arches. I couldn't remember the last time I slept without his sharp ministrations.

"Boris wants to keep me a secret." – he snarls, disgust written on the back of his eyes – "Apparently, I'm one of his 'secret weapons'."

"Who is the other?" – honestly, how many secret weapons could my paranoid keeper have?

A light eyebrow is raised and the obvious is suddenly dumped over my head.

"Never mind." – I said through clenched teeth. However, even the shame wasn't enough to make me forget my fate. And I wasn't talking about the weapon-shit thing.

Silence took over fast. Suddenly too tired to even put my shirt, I close my eyes and lay against the wardrobe. On the inside, I was torn. Should I make the best of it now or spare him from my pathetic state?

"Can you still feel your body?"

I nod and, before I realized, he was in front of me, hands landing on the wardrobe just beside my head. I nearly gasped. Would he do that again? But it wasn't night yet!

Despising my panic, Bryan keeps his ground, going deep into my eyes. He stares at them for an eternity, looking for something I most likely know nothing about.

I open my mouth to say something, anything, but he beats me again.

"You'd better memorize this." – he threatens, eyes sharper than I've ever seen. Taking my hand, he holds it like a scientist would hold a scalpel, my index finger working as a blade while he slowly moves it over my chest and shoulders, tracing somewhat familiar patterns.

"Bryan? What are you…"

"Forget the neck and belly." – he ignores my words, repeating the patterns instead, so focused it almost fells like a fight – "And don't you dare try with your arms. You'll need them. "

I blink, utterly confused. Half of me was trying to remember when I felt this before, while the other half was drowning in premature solitude. Therefore, there wasn't much of myself left to understand his strange behavior.

"Why are you doing this?" – I try once again, hoping the slight change of words would get me a better result. At least I was able to finish this time.

"You said yourself. I won't come."

Then, just as Bryan's eyes met mines once again, it hit me. The blade-like movements, the familiar pattern, the well defined areas I needed to avoid, everything fell into place like a big but easy puzzle. And, hell, I felt like an idiot.

Still, I stole a brief kiss.

"Thank you."

_-x-_

A hotel room. A bloody knife.

Two beds.

Soon, the room would be ours. The whole night too.

I smile.

Blade meets flesh once again.

_-x-_

The first time I saw the Bladebreakers I cursed Boris for wasting our time. They were just a bunch of kids, playing happily without a care in the world. A hyperactive turtle, a trying-to-be-patient tiger and a loud, dumb dragon that couldn't act smart to save his life.

But there was a loophole. A big fucking loophole.

I barely remember him. I even thought he was dead after the whole Black Dranzer thing and, to be honest, I still wish he was. It would have been better. For both of us.

Then again, it would be better for me to be left behind, with my beloved thorn's master, taking a break from Boris insane requests. But what do I know, right?

It took every bit of willpower to not toss Kai out of the balcony when he settled himself not just in my room, but on the bed under the window. The same bed I was saving for my falcon, in hopes to let him spread his wings even if just a little.

But things didn't stay like this for long. Oh, no. It would be just too easy. With Boris spoiling him like he was the best piece of shit to ever set foot on the face of Earth, Kai's ego blow through the roof. Suddenly, he thought he was worth something and, not long after, he started to give me those looks.

He wanted me. And I wasn't sure of what that meant.

Still, I ignored. I wasn't supposed to feel any of this (or even feel at all) and one cannot show what one don't feel, right?

If only Kai had taken the hint…

_-x-_

I was on my bed, reliving some precious memories when Kai came out of the bathroom, white towel over the head in an attempt to dry his messy hair. Our eyes met. He smirks and I do my best to look bored.

"So, Tala." – his tone is casual. Almost too casual. – "Since when you're suicidal?"

I blink, utterly lost. What the hell?

He smirks again, wilder this time.

"I know what you do, captain." – the last word was a poisoned purr and I shivered even under the blankets – "But you're doing it wrong."

"Am I?" – I'm not sure why I let Kai talk, let along why did I bother to listen. Morbid curiosity maybe?

He takes my question as an invitation and sits beside me on the bed.

"You're playing too safe." – he low his hands and I finally notice he was holding something else then the white towel. And it wasn't just an unimportant or useless something, not at all. No.

Kai was holding a knife. The same knife I had stolen long ago and had kept hidden from anybody. Until now, that is.

"And you expect me to let you play?" – I didn't remember a time I was so skeptic.

He smirks, using his empty hand to touch my face.

"No. I expect to teach you." – he whispers, face coming closer. I hold my breath and force my body to hold still. I couldn't shiver, not now. Even if his touch felt wrong, I couldn't afford show any other weakness!

Yet, there was something I could (and would) do.

"You're not a master, Kai. Therefore you have nothing to teach me." – the colors are gone but I don't care. Once I manage to have my knife back, the sick grey won't last for long anyway – "Now, give me back my knife."

"Does Boris know about your little game?" – he finally removes his hand from my face and I allow myself to breathe again.

"No. And you won't tell him."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because the real master of this game won't like it." – I whisper, stabbing him with my frozen eyes – "And, compared to him, Boris is nothing but a stupid amateur."

He pretends he's not scared. I pretend I'm not smirking.

Yeah, that would do for now.


	8. Chapter 8

GabZ – Oh, but it's not any type of pain Tala likes ;) And Kai gets worse in this chapter.

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

It took a couple of days until he confronted me again. The looks have stopped but, this time, Kai was up to fight me with a brand new reason.

"Are you really that suicidal?"

I ignore him and spat on the sink, getting rid of any rest of toothpaste. Drying myself with a near towel, I don't even bother to look Kai in the eye. I look at the mirror instead, letting him know how much I care.

"I'm talking to you, Tala." – he insists, clenching his fists with calculated discretion.

"And I'm listening." – I give in a little, hoping to finish this. Kai had dropped the knife after our little (and first) chat and, needless to say, I had gladly picked it up. Said knife was currently lying near the bathtub's tap, waiting for my bath and memories.

Kai rolls his eyes and cross his arms.

"Why you interfered?" – for a moment I could see a kid complaining about another taking his toy away. And I guess it wasn't that far from the truth – "You knew Black Dranzer needed food and yet you tried to let me out of the match!"

I take a deep breath. If I go straight to the point, will he let me to my memories?

"I'm still captain. That means I have a vote in everything, you like it or not." – I rest my hands on the sink and close my eyes for a moment. Kai's presence was becoming far more than just annoying, and Bryan's absence wasn't making things any easier. – "Anything else?"

"Yeah." – he just says that and I frown, suspicious. Why so quiet? More important, why didn't he leave yet?

"By the way, I do have something to teach, Tala." – even with my eyes closed I can see his smirk and that's more than enough to make me spin around and glare.

It was only then I realized Kay wasn't behind me anymore, but beside. Worst, he was now holding my precious knife, said knife already halfway inside my guts.

If only that was my falcon's mastery…But it wasn't. Bryan would never be so sloppy, so direct. The problem was, I was too used to my master's sharp ministrations to accept anyone else's (or lack of it for that matter). So, I did the only thing that seemed natural on that bizarre scenario.

I screamed.

_-x-_

"You disappoint me, Tala." – Boris voice is uncaring as always still there is an angry undertone that makes something inside me twist and knot. He plunges the needle further in my arm, making sure all my muscles are contracted before injecting whatever it was.

"It won't happen again, sir." – I say through clench teeth, trying to sound as normal as possible.

After my encounter with Kai, which rendered me some pretty raw stab wounds (yeah, the bastard didn't settle for one. Lucky me.) and after losing a very significant amount of blood mind you, I woke in Boris' suite with no other than Boris himself mumbling angrily about deadlines to no one in particular. Once he finally realized I was awake, he started poke the once wounded area and pump drugs in my system.

Now, good fifteen minutes after I awoke, that's nothing I can do but pray for that to be the last shot.

"You'd better make sure of that, Tala. Otherwise I will be very unsatisfied. " – taking the needle out with unnecessary force, Boris starts to hide his more-than-suspicious supplies. This is my cue to get up and leave.

Only, this time, I didn't take it.

"Sir, may I ask a question?"

Boris stops and looks at me. We both knew how rare it was for me to ask questions after being scolded, especially since I was already free to go.

My infamous keeper nods and I force air into my lungs, bracing myself for the worst.

"Why is Kai on the team, sir? He is not controlling Black Dranzer at all. "

_He's been controlled by her._ – was what I really wanted to say and, by the small curl on the corner of Boris' lips, he already knew. Best of all, he likes it just as much as I do.

"That's none of your concern."

"But he will betray us, sir." – I push a little, testing his reaction. It was just a possibility, a wish even, but I needed to know.

"That's none of your concern either." – he says with cold rage and I bit back a smile. If Boris hadn't beaten me to a pulp or spat the obvious in my face by now then it wasn't his decision to bring Kai back. Which led to only one conclusion: Voltaire.

The question now was: after forcing Kai upon us, would he replace my falcon as well?

_-x-_

I'm sitting on the windowsill. Outside, snow keeps falling, cold yet beautiful snowflakes covering everything. Usually, I would let myself relax a bit, appreciating the white scenario slowly forming before my eyes, but not tonight. No, tonight I had too much to think about.

Kai had betrayed us. Nothing surprising, really. Truth be told, it took long enough. Yet with Kai out Bryan would be battling on the finals for sure. And that's where all my problems begun, twisting facts and possibilities until nothing made sense anymore.

Letting out a frustrated sigh I close my eyes and rest my head against the window's glass. Somehow, the cold hard surface comforts me a little.

"I want to win." – I say aloud, trying to sort things out – "Boris wants us to win. He won't accept anything else."

"If we don't, we're as good as dead."

I take a deep breath, trying to keep my heart in check. Lately, it had gotten the habit of beating out of pace every time I try to analyze my situation.

"Bryan will fight….and Bryan will kill. A simple, swift move with just the right amount of force." – my throat constricts – "Somebody else will feel…"

It was just a possibility but it seemed inevitable enough. Somebody else would feel his mastery, the sharp ministrations I have been begging so badly to receive. Someone else would have his skin pierced, cut with the utmost perfection to bleed just the right amount of blood.

"Somebody else…" – I hug myself, nails digging through cloth and skin. Blood soon follows, its warmth doing nothing but bring back memories.

Have you forgotten me? Have you replaced me? After almost a month apart did you find another body to entertain yourself? One that's not so predictable, so…boring?

Will I ever feel alive again?

My eyes blur. I can't see. I can't breathe anymore. It's just…cold. Too cold.

Am I already dead?


	9. Chapter 9

GabZ – I can't resist. Tala jealous is just sooo cute!

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

I'm dead.

That's the first thought that crossed my mind once I finally regained conscience.

I'm dead and buried.

Part of me screams I couldn't be dead, let along already buried after just passing out. Yet, that's exactly how I feel, body pressed against something hard with a strange weight on one of my sides and something fluffy on the other.

The funny thing? It didn't bother me the slightest. I even felt relieved, safe. No more responsibilities. No more 'weight of the world' on my shoulders (as cliché as it sounds). I smile and relax, accepting my grave with open arms.

The problem is: my grave moves!

My eyes shot open and suddenly I'm staring right into untamable ones.

"Took you long enough." – warm breath caress my face and a deep voice find my ears. Still, I caught myself blinking stupidly, incapable to believe in my own eyes.

But it's just for a moment. Cause on the next the arm resting on my side moves and a big, calloused hand sneaks inside my shirt, pressing itself fully in my abdomen.

"Bryan?" – I ask quietly, uncertain of his intentions. As much as I wanted to feel his blade on my skin I also wanted to stay like this for a little while, basking on the warmth I missed so much.

He doesn't say anything, still staring deep into my eyes. We stay like that for almost a minute, staring unblinking at each other. He presses his hand even further in my belly and I move an inch away, uncomfortable.

It's only when he insists a third time that I realize what he was trying to do.

"How…?" – I'm almost sure my mouth was hanging open like a freaking fish but I couldn't care less. Damn! We just met after a month apart so how the hell he managed to find out?

Was I making myself weak again? Bryan's eyes keep staring into mines and the look he's giving me is almost…sad?

My heart clenches and I bite down a painful gasp. But my lips curl in a sincere smile and that is all that matters.

"I'm okay." – I manage to whisper. Leaning more into his embrace, I even stole a kiss. He relaxes immediately, hand leaving my belly to rest again on my side.

"Sleep." – Bryan whispers and I can't help but obey, smile still on my lips. I may not be free yet but I don't give a shit. Not anymore.

_-x-_

Ten minutes.

That's the time Spencer took to defeat Kai.

That's the time I'm waiting here.

That's the time Bryan will need to win.

Easy, simple, lethal. After all, my falcon is a master. Kon may think himself as a tiger but once he faces Bryan he'll realize he's nothing but a frighten kitten (I give him thirty seconds, tops).

The Demolition Boys will win. Two to none. I won't even fight.

So why? Why does it bother me so much? Hell! If anything I should be happy! I'm finally reaching my goal! No more training! No more tests! No more drugs and the sick grayness and the cold unfeeling body!

Just Bryan and me, both of us free to live as we please.

And I already knew what would please me. Very, very much.

Yet, I couldn't bring myself to enjoy the moment. All the doubts where still locked deep inside me and my mind was going crazy in an attempt to find the answers.

Cause Kon would feel Bryan's mastery, the sharp ministrations I'm still begging so badly to receive. It's Kon who will have his skin pierced, cut with the utmost perfection to bleed just the right amount of blood. And, during all of that, I would be sitting on the bench, watching closely but getting nothing.

Forgotten…predictable…replaceable…

Weak.

The door opens and my dear falcon walks out, eyes burning in cold fury. A shiver runs through my body and I bite my lip. We have known each other for years now, but I've never got that look from him.

"B-Bryan." – my voice cracks and I close my eyes tight. How pathetic can I be?

He stops and I can bet Wolborg that he's right in front of me now, waiting.

"Will…" – I force my eyes to open. The last I can do is stare at him in the eye, right? – "Will you win?"

The second it took me to say that was the second all the fury was gone. Now there are just the foreign untamable eyes, staring deep at me like always.

"If I win, you won't have to fight." – it was a fact, no arguing on that – "And Boris won't finish you."

I swallow, throat suddenly arching and dry. It was true, wasn't it? Whatever experiments Boris was doing to me it would be completely useless after our victory. I may never left the effects completely behind but at least they wouldn't get any worse.

"But you'll be replacing me." – childish, I know. Yet, that was exactly how I felt.

"Jealous?" – he press but I don't buy it.

Time goes on. I can hear that stupid DJ-something screaming nonsenses, making everyone on the stadium scream too. Soon I'll be there, watching like everybody else, incapable to change a thing.

"You'll replace me." – I say in a daze, suddenly tired of all that show.

"No." – his voice is normal, almost hollow, but his eyes change again. Now they show determination and even a bit of the awkward sadness I saw the night before.

"I don't believe you." – truth be told, I didn't have any reason to do so. I was yet to find out what he did during my absence. Worst of all, I was yet to discover with who he did it.

"You should. It's your life on the line, Red." – his fingers move, slowly and uncertain, trying to grab something on thin air. His face, however, remains unemotional as always.

"I know." – can't stop smiling a bit at that. Guess I'm suicidal after all.

His hands clench into firsts so tight I can practically hear the knuckles cracking. Cold fury was out again, even stronger than before.

"You'd better be fucking sure of this."

_-x-_

I couldn't believe my eyes.

Yes, I knew that would happen (even if I didn't believe it). Yes, I knew fights could go wrong. And yes, as much as it hurts to admit, I knew my falcon wasn't unbeatable.

But this…

Bryan lost. A strong, untamable falcon lost to a freaking kitty.

And it was all my fault.

"Sorry." – I whisper pathetically, seeing Spencer go to our locker room with Bryan's unmoving body in his arms. What the hell was I thinking? He was my thorn's master and yet I pushed him in into a fight, saying 'get hurt'. Not 'take care' or 'make it a tie', just 'get-fucking-hurt'.

Hell, why didn't I shot him myself?

It would be a lot easier…


	10. Chapter 10

GabZ – Glad you liked it. Rey's fans will have to forgive me (or not) but to me the only reason Bryan would lose to Rei was if Tala told him so. The redhead is the leader of the D-boys after all.

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

I let out a tired sight. This is it, I would finally be finished. Whatever plans Boris had for me, it would end today. Tyson didn't stand a chance.

Did I?

Bryan regained consciousness, eyes clear and deep staring at me like always. Still, I know this state won't last long. He took considerable damage, and the effort to control Falborg can be unbearable sometimes. Soon he'll be forced back to unconsciousness and I'll be lucky if I'd be still alive when he wakes up.

That doesn't ease his grip on my sleeve though.

"Come back." – he says in a raspy voice. And I know he's not talking about the recently emptied spot on the bench.

But I can't promise him anything. He knows that too. That's why he doesn't fight when I slowly pry his fingers away from me. Still, there is just one way to pry those untamable and even annoyed eyes from me.

And Bryan knows that too.

Guess we deserve each other.

"I'm sorry." –can't help but whisper when I finally free myself from his death grip.

"I know. I heard the first time. "

_-x-_

I'm trapped inside myself.

My memories are nothing but mist and pain. I see my body moving, hear my own voice, yet it's somebody else's. Someone created to be in control.

Cyber Tala.

Is that everything I am now?

There's a boy lying on the bed next to mine. His sharp untamable eyes are staring at me, unblinking. He is stabbing me, I just know it.

But I feel nothing. It means nothing.

Suddenly the boy opens his mouth.

"I should kill you." – he says in a monotone voice.

"Why?" – I hear myself asking, even if I don't care about the answer.

"Cause you're dead." – he states, seeming just as uninterested as I was.

"I can't be dead, I'm talking to you. "

"Oh, but you are." – his lips twist in a strange way – "You just don't know yet."

I frown. How can such a stupid person be my roommate?

"That's why you'll lose tomorrow."

I feel my eyes narrowing and the ice inside me responds with the same fury.

"I won't lose." – my voice is nothing but ice, but the boy seemed unfazed. Briefly, I wonder why – "Say that again and I will kill you."

His lips are twisting again. He gets up, pulling a knife from under his pillow and walks slowly to me. My heart is steady; my body is cold and unfeeling. Yet, something on that scene seemed to trigger something else. A memory?

"You can try." – he puts the knife on my hand, eyes never leaving mines – "But if you do, I won't be there to help you."

"I don't need your help." – I clench my fingers on the knife's handle. All that matter is Boris' voice echoing in my head, giving me directions. If I really kill this moron, will I hear it better?

"You do." – the boy walks away to lie on his bed once again – "We both know you hate to be dead. "

With that, the boy was out, sleeping away whatever problems he had.

Staring unblinking at the ceiling, knife still in hand, I never envied a boy so much.

_-x-_

Everything is going according to plan. I'm winning, that Tyson-brat is talking nonsense in hopes to pull off a miracle, and there's a six foot tall ice wall preventing anyone to see what I'm about to do to him.

Then why I feel so uncomfortable? I have my orders! I have to execute them, no matter what! Hell! Boris is screaming in my head so loud I can't even hear my own thoughts and, if even this is not enough, I know damn well victory is life!

So why something feels…off?

Tyson is up now, screaming something at the top of his half frozen lungs. He's talking about friendship and how bad it is to try take over the world. Honestly, he should be complaining to Boris, not to me. I'm just a tool. I'm…

"You're dead. You just don't know yet."

Something inside me clenches so tight I miss my target, letting Tyson get away and regroup. Not that he does it. The brat prefers to keep on his stupid speech. Can't he see I'm not listening?

Apparently, he can. He's screaming a lot louder now, eyes stabbing mines.

Stab…like a knife…

Next thing I know Tyson is attacking and I'm too damn slow to dodge. Wolborg is send flying over the beystadium, landing smoothly on the ice. Still, there was some damage and Wolborg wobbles a little. And I…

I caught myself…longing?

_Idiot! Focus!_ – I try to scream but Boris voice is so loud I can barely heard my own thoughts. On the ground, Wolborg wobbles a little more, seeming just as confuse. Shit! I have to do something before…

"That's why you'll lose tomorrow."

I scream in rage and attack, sending all the ice I had straight to Tyson. His eyes are wide with fear and shock and…and…

Why wide? It shouldn't be wide. Eyes…eyes should be sharp and hollow and almost sad. Like a blade or a knife or…a thorn.

Boris screams so loud in my head I nearly cry out. My body is still, solid like a rock yet I can feel myself crumbling on the inside, becoming nothing but a useless pile of broken pieces. It hurts and I can't understand why. I shouldn't feel a thing! Not anymore!

But the pain was still there, swallowing everything. My thoughts, my plan, even Boris orders began to fade, giving to the pain. My body kept attacking but I'm doomed. Deep down I know it.

Tyson calls out for Dragoon and start building up whatever power they have left. I do the same with Wolborg. It's the final blow and the winner will take it all. And I will win. I will claim the victory and power. I'll claim my own life!

Maybe this pain will fade away after that?

For a split second I swear I felt someone on my back, staring straight at me like my ridiculously big ice wall was nothing. But it was impossible; no one was looking at me. I had no one. Boris and his orders are all that matter! My roommate's unfazed face flash before my eyes, clenching my heart like I never felt before, screaming to me to look back, but it still doesn't matter! Nothing does!

I stare at Tyson, he stares back. We're ready.

3…2…1..

"Tala!"

_-x-_

He is right behind me.

Who is he? I don't know. I don't dare look back.

He's probably someone sent to punish me. I'll see his face soon enough.

After all, I lost.

Tyson is offering his hand with a big smile, like we haven't just tried to kill each other. I do some damage control and shake his hand.

He is still behind me.

A ghost of a chill touches the back of my neck and slowly runs over my spine. I force myself to stand still and say something to Tyson like a good loser.

Then, I retreat.

His steps don't make any sound but I know he's here, like a shadow of sorts. A cold, sharp shadow that follows only me.

My heart misses a beat and I caught myself longing again.

Why?

The locker room pops up from nowhere over my right. Just a couple more steps and I'll be inside. Something inside me twists and begs. I don't know what is it but I feel like begging too.

Just a little more…

The floor disappears. Everything goes dark.

He catches me.


	11. Chapter 11

GabZ – No, they are not dead! In fact I don't think I killed anyone on this story. Hum…I'm pretty sure this could be considered an apocalyptical sign. O.õ

* * *

_My Sweat Little Pain_

* * *

I don't know who I am.

People keep coming and going, asking if I was alright, but there is no point, I can't answer that. The question means nothing. They mean nothing.

I mean nothing.

Blurred faces, numbness and sick shades of gray. That's my world. I don't know anything else.

Was it always like this? Did I always felt so…dead?

_I should kill you._

Will you? Please?

_-x-_

Next thing I know I'm staring at two guys. Their faces aren't so blurry anymore so I can tell they are somehow familiar to me, even if I can't put a name to the faces or remember how we met. I felt (and that's the first thing I felt in forever) a dull connection between us. We were made to be together, to work together. We're not family, though, even if I believe when they say we're like brothers.

However, even with these guys visiting me every day, something was missing. I couldn't imagine any of them saying "I should kill you" in a monotone voice. Was someone missing? Did we lose one of ours during whatever happened that put me in a hospital? Or was this person still alive?

Was he lying in some room in this same hospital, body completely numb, eyes seeing nothing but sick shades of gray?

After almost a week I finally gave in and asked. I have remembered much, including my visitors names, but I still couldn't fill the invisible absence. I felt like there should be someone right by my side, holding me with one hand and a knife with the other, eyes hollow and sharp and untamable.

But all Ian does is shrug, refusing to say a word. Spencer, on the other hand, seemed to be really trying to give me an answer.

"We don't know where he is." – he said after a little while, eyes watching my every move – "He carried you to the locker room after the finals, but we haven't see him ever since."

Something inside me cracked, sending warnings all over my body. Suddenly, my numb hands are clutching the sheet so badly my knuckles are white but this is only a distraction, and excuse to not bring my hands over my ears and stop listening all together.

Was I forgotten?

"And we won't, ever. The son of a bitch doesn't give a shit about us." – Ian was gritting his teeth now and, when you're a snake, nothing good can come from your teeth. I could practically taste the venom in my mouth, all bitter and angry and, in lack of better word, painful.

Yet, something inside me keeps screaming the shrimp was wrong. That whoever the missing person was, he would come back soon. Better yet, said person cared.

Should I believe? I don't know me, not the way (I supposed) I used to know. Was this strange voice inside my head any better than the rest of me?

Was he waiting for me to get better? Was he disgusted of my weakness?

Was he, somehow, trying to make things right?

"You can't say that." – Spencer's deep voice brings me back to the present and I see a shadow of a glare in his eyes –"Maybe he has his reasons to not be here."

"And maybe he just ditched all of us." – Ian keeps pushing, arms crossed in hope to look bigger. Not that it would work with Spencer.

"He didn't. He'll come back. "

I blink. _Who said that?_

"No offense captain, but how can you tell? I bet you don't even remember him."

Great! So now I'm hearing voices! Just absolutely great!

Still, Ian is right, isn't he? I don't know who he is. I don't…

"I remember."

I blink again. There are only three people in this room, including me. If none of those two are talking, than I'm the one saying all of this? Hell. I finally lost it, didn't I?

"That's not the point!" – the shrimp throw his hands in the air with a frustrated sigh – "What I'm saying is, even if you remember him, there's no way you can tell he'll be back, Tala!"

"Ian, calm down!" – Spencer's harshness was enough for a big shout, even if he doesn't do much more than whisper – "But yes, captain, he has a point."

It's two against one and I lose in ways they will never know.

That's when all hell broke loose.

I don't know what I'm doing. Suddenly, it's like I'm watching a movie, seeing all the action but unable to do a thing. My body moves on its own, standing up and marching towards the door, tossing Ian and Spencer out of my way regardless the fact the blond is twice my size. Somewhere in the mess I'm pretty sure I heard shouts and snarls. From who? No idea. I just knew I was about to get out that fucking white room when something stopped me.

Blood.

Dripping from my hand where the IV had been pulled, lazily spreading its warmth over my cold fingers. I could even feel a small, sharp pain. It wasn't perfect, but it hadn't been perfect for so long…

"Bryan." – the name escapes my lips like a prayer but I couldn't care less. I don't even care if Spencer and Ian are staring at me, eyes wide like plates. I just bring my hand to my lips, slowly licking the blood, eyes shut in hope to reminisce old memories.

Too bad I only had a name.

_-x-_

"You have to stop it."

I blink, the world becoming clear for a moment before going back to the annoying haze. But it's okay, I know who is talking to me now. I'm not sure what Spencer is talking about though. Is it about me again?

"You can't do this to yourself, Tala."

Yep, it's about me. Oh, joy.

A few days ago, or maybe more, I'm not sure; I had tried to get out of that fucking hospital. Obviously, I failed. However, during my attempt I have came to realize I could use the IV needle for a different purpose. It was a terrible blade but it was all I got. At least I could make my skin tickle a little.

Too bad everybody thought I was trying to kill myself or something. So now here I was, restrained and, for good measure, a little sedated. To any other kid (or even adult) it would be more than enough.

The problem (for everyone but me) is that I'm no 'any other' kid.

The sound of the door closing wakes me up again. Apparently, Spencer was done talking. It's just me or his visits are getting shorter and shorter? Hn. Whatever. At least I'm alone now.

A swift move is all that it takes. My hand is now free. Another simple move and the needle is in my hand, ready to meet flesh. So close…

"Don't you dare."

I stop dead in my tracks. That voice…It was the same voice I heard in my dreams, even in my nightmares. It was the 'I should kill you' voice.

Bryan.

I blink, trying to bring my world back to focus. Takes me a while but, when I succeed I can see him, standing beside the bed, looking at me with those deep, untamable eyes.

He smiles a little. I smile back. Then, two things happen. Fist, I drop the needle. Spencer would love to see that, no doubt.

I'm not sure if he would like to see the kiss though.


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry. No time to comment anything T.T

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

"I'm sorry boys. I just don't think that is a good idea."

I roll my eyes, happy for the first time I was in the back of the room and nobody was paying attention to me. Except for a certain falcon, that is. I'm not sure how Bryan does it but, even if his eyes are staring casually at Spencer and that chubby old man (what was his name again? Diberson?), I can still feel those sharp irises digging holes on the back of my head.

"But sir, it's the logical solution!" – Spencer tries to keep his ground but it's not working well. Truth be told, none of us is particularly good at convincing people with just words – "Except for Ian, we're all orphans so why not put us together?"

"Because you're all traumatized kids that can't be left without supervision." – the blond woman says, like a parent would do to a particularly stubborn kid. Why the All Stars' coach is here to begin with is beyond me.

"We are not kids!" – Spencer hissed. For a brief second I thought if he would lose his temper (something unheard for all of us). If that was the case, should I stop him? I mean, even after all the hospital mess, I was still captain, right?

Yet, for some unexplainable reason, I knew it wouldn't be up to me to stop my blond friend.

"You are. You just don't want to admit it."

"Jude is right, my boy. Given the last…occurrences I can't let you go without supervision, let along to live together."

It was my time to snap. Clenching my teeth, I readied my body to stand. I didn't know what to say, they all thought I was suicidal, but I'd say something. I have to.

Thankfully or not, someone beat me on that.

"You saying adults don't try to kill themselves?" – Bryan's voice was deep and sharp like his eyes, cutting through man and woman alike.

I try my best not to smile.

"It's not like that." – Jude seemed a little taken aback by the statement, even if her voice kept the annoying motherly tone – "It's…"

"We can't live with anyone else. We're too screwed and you know it." – Bryan shock his head and I pitied the 'adults' for been stupid enough to make him this talkative – "Put us with any guardian you want, the bastard will be shooting his own head by the end of the week. That or I'll just do it myself. So why don't you shut up and do things our way?"

"Because we can help you." – the chubby man said without hesitation but his eyes betrayed him, changing from Bryan to Spencer to me to any other person in the room that wasn't my beloved thorn master.

"Nobody can help us. Besides, what's the point anyway? I'm eighteen, Spencer's nineteen and Ian is already going to live with his parents so why bother?"

For a second everybody seemed to have held his breath, even if each one of us was doing his or her best to mask it. Nobody had said my name yet, but I couldn't decide if it was a good or a bad thing. Even if I was the reason of this mess, it still feels like I was left behind, completely excluded from the conversation and near future.

However, before I could make up my mind, Judy spoke once more.

"You may think you can live by yourselves but there's no possible way you can take care of Tala." – the blond woman glanced at me briefly – "He needs support, real help."

"Real?" – Spencer seemed to have found his voice, cause he was hissing on the next second – "We're his team! Who better than us to help him?"

"Oh, for God's sake! You are just kids!" – the blond insisted. I clenched my teeth, rising from my chair and standing, head high and proud. I was done with being silent. They couldn't talk about me, about my destiny, like I wasn't in the room!

"Shut up!" – I all but groaned, letting the ice out. It wasn't as overwhelming as before but still it was more than a normal person could handle – "I made a stupid mistake, I'll give you that, but we're a team and will live as one. Don't like it, try to stop us, lady."

That said I turned, storming out of the room. I still got to hear Bryan's next words though.

"Tala won't hurt himself. I won't let him." – it was little more than a whisper yet I felt on the edge, like a blade was hovering near my neck – "But if you send anyone to babysit us I'll send them back in pieces."

I smiled, proud of my beloved falcon. There should be probably a thousand questions any normal person would be dying to ask after such display, especially from someone so silent. Yet, when Spencer and Bryan catch up with me, there was just one thing I wanted to ask.

"Are you really eighteen?"

Brian blinked, caught off guard for a moment, before smirking.

"Does it matter?"

Only later I would come to know he had just turned sixteen.

_-x-_

I couldn't believe my eyes.

It wasn't the size. Hell, I grew up in an Abbey and this place wasn't near as big. It could be the neighborhood, no condors but no junkies passing out on the street either. It could also be the old woman walking her dog or the smell of fresh bread from the bakery on the corner or any other of the thousand motives of why this place was so different from what I was used to (therefore a thousand times better). But the truth is, I couldn't care less about the size or the neighborhood, the bakery or the people in the street, no.

Cause I was in front of a house. A small but two stored, dull green house with a ridiculous sign of "on sale" under an even more ridiculous sign of "sold".

"How? "

Bryan just shrugged, like it was something simple and unworthy of my question.

"Dad's old safety was still full."

I shake my head, a smile on my lips. All this time I thought you had abandoned me and you were buying us a house.

"There's only one problem. "

I blink, my happy bubble exploding and sending me back to Earth.

"What problem?" – I try not to sound too panicked, even if my mind is already forming a pretty bad scenario. Cause none of us have jobs, at least not official, get-paid-every-month jobs. I guess we could still get paid if we keep on being Russia's official team but the World tournament had just ended, traditionally starting the low season.

Bryan smirks.

"There are just two bedrooms."

It took me two seconds to realize what he meant. By them I was smirking too.

"Spencer will hate us." – I say, without a single drop of worry.

"Well, he can always move."


	13. Chapter 13

I'm sad. There were no reviews in the last chapter. Is someone still reading this? i.i

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

Things are great! For the first time in my life I'm happy! And I mean happy-happy, not average-happy. The moving had been great, even shopping for clothes and stuff was fun. And the routine…It felt like heaven, every bit of it. Even when we had to clean up or do something as annoying as laundry or the dishes, it still felt like bliss to just go and do something that didn't involve big amounts of pain for a change.

But the best part is the bedroom. It isn't big or fancy, but cozy, with a big window to let the light in, be it the sun or the moon, a big double bed, soft pillows and warm sheets. But of course, the even better part is the person I share this slice of heaven with, a.k.a. the reason behind the currently messy, blood spotted sheets and all-over-the-floor pillows.

Too bad Bryan had just walked out the front door to some grocery shop. I felt like we could still have some fun…

"You have to stop it."

I raise my head from the TV I was so nicely using to justify my grin to stare at a worried and slightly pissed Spencer. Which is very strange, since he is the only one that rarely seems pissed. Okay, what did I do now?

Since I fail to answer, he came closer, sitting in the armchair next to the sofa I'm currently sitting on. He rests his arms on his knees and his chin on his hands, looking straight into my eyes.

"He's hurting you." – he says, and for a split second I'm back into that fucking hospital, tied to the bed and half sedated with nothing but a name and hazy memories far from my reach.

I clench my teeth and take a deep breath.

"He is not." – feels strange to treat Bryan as 'he' but something tells me I should keep this conversation impersonal. And since my gut feelings are yet to be proven wrong…

"He is." – realizing this won't lead us anywhere, Spencer tries a different approach – "I saw your sheets. There's blood everywhere."

"That doesn't mean he hurts me." – Not in the way other people used to hurt me anyway.

Spencer's body tenses and I can see a spark of rage in his eyes. That takes me unguarded, leaving me shocked and even a bit angry. I mean, come on! He never reacted like this when Boris hit me. Why freak now?

Maybe he thinks Bryan is doing the same thing?

"We already know you're strong Tala, you don't have to prove it by handling Bryan. Please, let me help."

I raise an eyebrow, truly lost.

"I don't handle anything, Spencer. Bryan may have brought this house, but we all agreed I'm the one charge." – my voice is deep and calm, and I hope I can keep it like that for my pride's sake – "As for what happens in my bedroom, Bryan doesn't do anything I don't allow him to."

Spencer's face darks and he crosses his arms, looking even bigger than he already is.

"And that's precisely the problem. Bryan is a sadist, Tal. Can't you see he's just using you? I bet he just brought this house so he can keep you close and satisfy all his sick needs." – Spencer says that with so much hate I have no doubt he truly believes it.

Too bad I don't.

"His needs may be sick, but so are mines. And so are yours, Spencer. After all we've been through, do you really think we could have normal needs like any other person? "

Something pops in my mind. It was a night when I got up to drink some water, right after some sex. I was too dizzy from both pleasure and blood loss to even care to cover my nudity and if anyone stopped me, I would have no way to explain all the blood and...other things tainting my skin.

Yet, when I passed by Spencer's door I couldn't help but hear some muffled sounds. Not sure if it was a nightmare, and knowing the ones about the Abbey could be rather vicious, I cracked his door open end peeked inside.

It only took me a split second to realize 1) the blond wasn't having a nightmare; 2) he could handle this situation alone. Literally and 3) he was holding a blood stained sheet.

I didn't make much of it at the time but now it was like a puzzle, all complete and ready to be appreciated. I never thought I would be envied by something besides my blading skills but apparently, I was wrong. However, even if this whole situation suddenly gave my ego a hell of a bust, it also made me incredibly jealous and pissed.

"…the fact you keep accepting only make things worse and…" – Spencer keeps talking. Apparently, I had zoomed out during his speech. Not that I care.

"You want him."

He stops mid-sentence, blue eyes going incredibly wide for a whole second before he realizes that and bring them back to normal. I swear he shivered.

"I don't…"

"You do. I saw you the other night." – I stand, slowly going to him, purposely swinging my hips. But my eyes are narrowed, studding the best angle to attack – "Poor Spencer. All alone with a bloody sheet."

He gasps something, probably some words of denial but I don't listen and sit on his lap instead, unzipping my jacket so he can see the blood dry paths my beloved thorn master had made less than two hours ago.

"Do you want this? To feel his hands, his knife…Surrender your body, bleed the right amount of blood…"

"I-I'm no masochist." – Spencer tries again, his voice stronger this time but his eyes betray him, starring deep into my torso, taking in every cut, every drop of dark red.

"Yet you desire. You yearn to feel alive. To feel anything at all, after that God forsaken Abbey…"

He raises his eyes to slowly stare into mines. His cheeks are pink but his eyes are dark and he slowly nods, surrendering to my words and the lump I can feel between my legs. All the sudden, I feel sympathetic. I probably look just like that when Bryan stares at me in bed.

But whatever sympathy I may have is not enough to erase the hate.

"That's too bad." – I purr, running my hand over my cuts until it was resting nicely in my inner thigh. He relaxes. I smile.

"Cause you'll never have it, Spencer."

And my hand squeezes his cock, nails digging easily into the thin fabric of his shorts, twisting to better result. He screams and tries to get away but I don't let him. Oh no, I wasn't done yet.

"Bryan is mine." – I hiss, eyes sharp enough to cut him in half – "He chose me and I'll make sure to be the only one. By any mean I saw fit."

Spencer can only gasp in pain and attempt to nod. I smirk.

I twist some more and let go, getting out of his lap and zipping my jacked up. I can't help but feel a little dirty. This was something Boris would do. Nevertheless, I was content with my actions. It seems Spencer had taken the hint so I would most likely not have to repeat myself. Which gave me some time to spare lazily on the sofa until my falcon decided to come back. Yeah, that sounded like a plan.

At least until my blond friend dropped a bomb. And it was fucking atomic.

"Do you love him?"


	14. Chapter 14

GabZ – It's not like Bryan and Tala don't like each other. More like they never tried to put a name on it. That and I'm pretty sure the 'L' word was forbidden in the abbey.

P.S: Sorry if the beginning was too stupid

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

Love:

To have love or affection for another person; be in love.

Affectionate concern for the well-being of others.

A person toward whom love is felt; sweetheart.

God, I hate dictionaries. They never do anything other than leave us with more doubts. For starters, what the hell is 'sweetheart'?

Hn. Time to pretend I didn't spend my childhood in the Stone Age and goggle it. Let's see. 'Love + enter' equals to…

How many results!?

Shit. This is gonna take a while…

_-x-_

Later that night found me in bed, with Bryan on top kissing his way down to my stomach. His knife is on the nightstand as usual but since we had some fun in the morning it was very unlikely for it to join in. It left me wondering about all the limits Bryan had established for us.

It almost felt strange. The way he would hold me after sex, the looks he would give me when he was worried, how he would slightly put himself in front of me should any threat appear, ready to put up a fight but not threatening my position as captain. Looking now, Bryan was treating me differently.

Was he….caring about me?

A shiver run down my spine and the thin layer of sweat covering my body grows cold. Hands shaking, I pull his head forward mine, suddenly anxious to see his untamable eyes.

But when I finally get to see them, it's there. The feeling I feared the most.

My thorn master, my falcon, my Bryan… cares.

"Why?" – I whisper, fighting back tears. In the back of my mind, old memories came to life once again. Memories of my father, how he used to care…

Would Bryan do the same?

For the first time, my falcon retreats. Sitting in my hips in one fluid motion, he turns his head to the side, as if ashamed of what he'd done. Does he know what that's all about?

"Because…you understand me."

I nod, even if he can't see. It's true, I understand him when everybody else doesn't. Proof is everybody thought I was suicidal when I tried to copy his sharp ministrations back in the hospital.

But…he's the only one that understands me too. The one who knows how to bring me back when memories and cold take over. The one that keeps me alive with his blade and eyes and touch and…something else. Something I refused to name until now.

I always considered Bryan my 'beloved' thorn master. Even if I couldn't (and still can't) grasp the correct meaning of love it was a precious word, one I wouldn't use with anyone else. I knew Bryan was important to me like no one else would ever be. He was the one keeping me alive, damn it!

But…could it be more? More than my life and pleasure…more than something to destroy the ice, bringing color and warmth back…

Could it be real love?

Suddenly, I needed to touch him. To feel him holding me tight. Forget sex! Hell, forget the knife!

I just want Bryan by my side.

And is that (maybe) more than unexpected realization that makes me say the words like I have known them all my life.

"I love you."

However, it was silly for me to think things would be okay. I had an issue with people caring about me, it was only natural for Bryan to have an issue of his own.

I just never thought those sharp, untamable eyes would look at me full of hurt and betrayal.

_-x-_

Time seemed to screech after that fateful night. Spencer got a job, claiming it wasn't fair for us to live from Bryan's money and that he was getting cabin fever or something (even if I'm pretty sure we're all immune by now) leaving the afternoons for me and Bryan alone. That said, I'm pretty sure you can imagine what went on the moment Spencer closed the front door, right?

Wrong.

Cause even if the universe seems to give us a break, Bryan wasn't talking to me. Oh, scratch that. He wasn't even looking at my direction. The care-love mess was almost two weeks ago and the only thing I know is that Bryan isn't sleeping in our room!

Needless to say I'm way beyond frustrated. But since that won't bring Bryan back, I guess I'll have to go to him. Which brings he question: if I was a falcon, where would I go?

The answer was obvious: the sky. However, Bryan can't fly.

The closest thing?

Again an easy answer: the roof.

So I grabbed all the courage I could muster and walked to the roof, ignoring the fact I have never been there before. And sure enough my thorn master was there, sitting on the very edge, letting Moscou's cold wind caress his hair and kiss his face.

For a moment I was jealous.

But then he noticed me and time stood still.

"Tala." – he acknowledged without turning to face me. My name never sounded so heavy on his lips.

Forcing some air on my lungs I walked forward, sitting beside him on the edge, ignoring the snow slowly soaking my pants. I have been cold since he left my side so it wouldn't make much of a difference anyway. If fact I was quite certain my body's temperature was even lower than the snow.

"I'm sorry." – I keep my eyes on the street below, briefly wondering if the fall could kill me – "I shouldn't have said that."

Bryan let out a long sigh and for the first time he seemed very, very tired.

"I can't love you back. I can't accept your love either."

I blink, officially lost.

"Why?" – is my brainless question.

"Because I don't want to kill you."

My hand moves but I caught it before any damage is done. It was clear he didn't want to be touched now, especially by me. Instead I force some words out of my lips. And yeah, those still sound brainless.

"I don't understand. "

"My mom loved my father once. If she didn't, she would have left him and kept his life."

My heart skipped a beat as realization hit me like a brick wall. My falcon had always been logical, crude. He lacked the ability to completely understand an emotional situation, therefore his mind focused in making logical assumptions.

Add that to Boris' training and we have love = death.

"I don't care if I die. But I don't want to kill you." – he adds as to confirm my suspicious.

I grab his hand before I even think about it.

"My father…" – my voice is nothing but a weak whisper but I'm too tense to be ashamed. I have never told this to anyone – "He cared about me. At least, that's what he always said when he beated me. That it was good for me, necessary."

I'm trembling now, memories flashing before my eyes too fast for my conscious to understand but too slow for me to just ignore it. Somewhere along the way I had the impression of something holding me, but I couldn't be sure.

"'It will make you strong', he said. 'I do this because I care'. Eventually, I stopped crying but it just made things worse. My father got harsher, started to beat me even on the streets. 'I'm the only one who cares', he would say then, 'The only one that doesn't look away'. Boris saw us in one of those times, when I was already used to it. He brought me on the spot and I ended up in the Abbey."

Slowly I started to come back, regaining enough control over my body to look straight into lavender eyes. And I know he made the connection. It wasn't that hard anyway.

Care = pain.

"You said you care…I don't know when it started, but you never acted like my father. Will you now after I told you this?"

"No." – his voice is soft but even, his eyes glowing with the same care I saw the last time we shared a bed – "You understand me. I will not hurt you."

"Then I will not die. Then I will not kill you." – raising my free hand I caressed his face. His skin is cold and his body is rigid, but it all disappears as my touch spreads my body heat.

I could only hope for him to see my logic.

"You say that now. "

"I will say that forever. "

"I don't believe you."

"I don't care. "

Bryan turns his eyes away from me. It felt like a slap straight to my face. Once again I wonder what would happen if I was to fall.

"If it changes, will you leave?" – his voice is nothing but a whisper.

"Yes." – I probably wouldn't, but he didn't need to know that.

If Bryan noticed my lie he didn't say anything about it. At least I didn't hear him protesting.

Then again, it's very hard to think with someone kissing you senseless.


	15. Chapter 15

GabZ – They sure are cute and scary. What other reason would people like us like them? ;)

Okay, this chapter is a little too long but I had no choice. It was either that or break it in two too small ones.

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

I should be happy now. After all, I had every reason to be. I had a home, Spencer wouldn't bother us anymore and my dear falcon was back to where he belongs, right by my side. To make things better there was a new World Tournament coming and we would be representing our dear Russia, this time with the good, old fighting spirit instead of drugs and cybercrap.

In other words: I was in heaven.

However we (and you can include the whole world here) forgot a little detail. A detail I should have personally killed months ago or at the very least, ask someone else to do it (Bryan would be the first to volunteer):

Boris.

Yeah, the bastard was back, claiming he was a changed person and all that philosophic crap no one should care about. I wonder how many self-help books he had to read to come up with that speech. Unfortunately people are extremely dumb. Everybody believed in those cheap words and fake smile. No one even considered that when Boris claimed to have his 'revelation' he was wondering, completely lost somewhere a couple miles after the end of the world, trying to escape the police. Yes, that's right! The bastard was a runner and people still received him with open arms!

I would like to declare myself an alien now. Cause there's no way in hell I share any kind of kinship, blood or simply have any connection with any other human being. I mean, come on! The guy have 'liar' written all over his face in bright colors! Even Tyson and the others were suspicious and when a group of scouts don't trust you, you're officially the worse liar to ever set foot on the face of the planet.

Why can't the world see things my way for a change? Really, just this once?

But nobody did. Which means nobody will stop Boris.

Which means it would be up to us, three teenagers and their plastic pawns, to stop the man responsible for screw our childhood, making each and every one of us broken beyond repair.

People could call that poetic justice…

I say someone else should deal with this shit.

_-x-_

This is it. We're finally here. Behind that door is Boris and his new plan of world domination and it's up to us to stop him. I look to my side and lock eyes with Spencer. The whale is calm as ever but under all that calmness is fear and hate. He wants this to stop, to turn his back to all that shit for good, but he knows better than run away now. Differences aside I have his back and he has mine, that's all we need to know.

I switch targets, letting my stare fall upon Bryan. The falcon is resting against the wall, arms crossed and eyes closed. His face was blank but his eyelids would twitch from time to time and, if I didn't know any better, I would say he was sleeping.

Maybe he's trying to hear something? Yeah, that would make sense. As a falcon he is much more used to see things than hear them. He needs extra concentration for that. But what could he be trying to hear? Was Boris just outside the door, getting ready to pounce on us? Does it make any difference?

"Tala." – the call is soft, almost too soft and it send shivers down my spine. I snap out of my thoughts but keep my face a mask, knowing there were cameras all around us and I don't wanna give Boris the satisfaction of seeing me scared.

But Bryan knows me well, he knows why I cannot respond clearly. Smirking, he comes to stand in front of me, his trick build successfully blocking my slender frame. And I can just assume all the concentration paid off, he knows where the camera is.

I give Spencer a quick look, not wanting to create distress at the verge of what could be our most important battle but it's the whale that has his eyes closed now, in a desperate attempt to ignore what's about to happen. I'm willing to bet there will be nothing (not with Boris' shadow killing the mood) but I appreciate the privacy.

Staring back into lavender orbs I caught Bryan…unsure?

Okay, stay calm Tala. I'm sure there is a perfect explanation for this.

"I'm not sure what am I doing." – my beloved thorn master confess, each word stabbing my heart in such a raw way it almost make me scream. What the hell is going on? – "But I saw that and well, I thought it couldn't be too bad if I tried. Not sure about the timing, though."

"Bry…" – I breath, closing my hands tight so no one could see them trembling – "What are you talking about?"

He slips a hand into his pocket and pulls out a wine velvet box. Then, without another word, he forces one of my hands open and shoves the box inside.

Needless to say I was completely lost.

Suddenly remembering some sappy movies (insomnia is a bitch), my heart started to race. What if there was a ring inside that box? Was Bryan proposing me? But we're too young! And both males! I'm pretty sure this is illegal in Japan and pretty much the rest of the world too. God knows what Russians think about gay people. We can't do this! But how can I refuse him and not break his heart? He still thinks love = death. Will I be signing his death certificate if I refuse him now? Will he turn his back to me and leave? Will he abandon me forever? What if…

"Red, if you don't open that damn box in two seconds I'll shove it down your throat."

Have I ever mentioned how much of a gentleman my falcon is?

Swallowing my (new) fears to the best of my ability, and briefly praying for Boris to come and put me out of my misery, I open the box in one swift move. I have come a long way to get here, I won't freak because of a stupid box!

But when I finally looked inside, there was no ring. Feeling slightly disappointed, I pulled the delicate silver chain…and my heart stopped.

There, dangling gracefully from the chain to the point it almost seemed to be floating in the air was a blue gem no bigger than the head of my thumb. It was shaped like a tear, the edges sharp but delicate, like an ice crystal carefully sculpted. And the way the light shined over it…It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! I was so overwhelmed I forgot how to breathe, looking from the pendant to Bryan and back, mouth completely agape. I couldn't even be angry for him treating me like a girl!

Bryan smirked, eyes sparking with innocent satisfaction. Taking the necklace, and always careful with the cameras, he put it around my neck, hiding it under my jacket. At the strange look I gave him, he explained:

"I don't want Boris to see it. The bastard will try to use it against you."

I nodded, only now remembering where we are and why. I wanted to hug my falcon and kiss him senseless but that would have to wait until we are back to our room. Then I can show him how much I appreciated the gift. All. Night. Long.

What? It was my first gift.

Pleased with whatever he was seeing in my eyes, Bryan smirked that sexy smirk he usually only gives me in bed. But before I could think of something to say or do we all heard heavy footsteps coming from outside the door. The moment was shattered and in a blink of an eye we were back to the tension, fear and rage Boris' presence invoked.

In a swift movement the door was opened, revealing a big room with a dish and three soon-to-be-losers smirking like idiots. On the floor above was Boris himself, his smirk completely different from the scapegoats he got for us. The bastard knew he could win this, he knew we wouldn't stand a chance if he got really nasty. On his side, practically glowing with pride like a good teacher pet was a boy I have never seen before with silver hair and a strange red dot in the middle of his forehead.

And people think my hair is strange.

Taking all the air my lungs could hold I shout the challenge. Boris is quick to accept, too quickly, and once again I'm fighting against the goosebumps crawling my spine. It had begun…

God have mercy.

_-x-_

Pain.

I thought I knew the meaning of the word. I thought I could withstand it in ways most people couldn't dream of. Worst, I thought I liked it, that pain could keep me alive.

It never occurred to me pain could also kill me.

_Get up. Please. _

But Bryan didn't get up. He didn't even move, no. My beloved thorn master remained there, on the cold floor, so still I couldn't even tell if he was breathing or not. Spencer is no better but I heard him groan so I know he's fine. But Bryan…

My hand moves on its own, gripping my jacket right above my heart. My mind chants 'Don't leave me' over and over again. Please, my first gift can't be your memento!

Boris is saying something. Garland too. I don't bother listening but I know I have no choice but face the silver freak. If I go to Bryan, Boris will attack me, and it will be me on the floor, unmoving. I can't do that. Not after my falcon's sacrifice.

I force my hand away of my chest and turn to face Garland. My glare is so cold he freezes for a second and I take the opportunity to gloat, hoping against hope this will give me a chance. I think I know his weak spot, I'll just have to go for it.

As we prepare to fight, the countdown dragging like never before I can't help but move a little. I'll shut all the color and warmth out, welcoming the gray and the ice for the first time but if I keep Bryan on sight…

…maybe I'll find my way back.

Let it rip!

_-x-_

The bone snaps and I clench my teeth, refusing to give him the satisfaction. My body waves like a leaf, legs ready to give up and let me collapse into myself. And deep down I know I can't win this. That I can't get Garland back for what he did to my friend and beloved.

But there is still something I can do. After all, Boris raised me. I know how the son of a bitch works. Better, I know how the ones that can stop him work.

Wolborg growls in pain, sending my heartache to a whole new level. I can only pray she'll forgive me at the end.

Because the only way to finish this is sacrificing us. That's right, sacrificing. Guess you never thought things would get this low in a childish pawn game. Yet that's the exact word for the little trick I'm pulling off.

I can hear Tyson and his group shouting behind me and inside I smile. That's it, cheer for me. I'll lose in a couple minutes and you'll be heartbroken. Then you'll probably do something extremely stupid, like challenge Boris and his new organization for the whole world to see.

That's exactly what I want. For someone to do the dirty work for a change.

Garland is angry. Apparently he doesn't like to drag the fight as much as I thought. I try to remember my last fight with Tyson and say some shit. By the look on his face, it worked. He's really pissed now.

I smirk. Give me your best shot you lap dog!

And he does just that.

I gasp, all air knocked out from my lungs. My body falls back, numbness spreading all over before I even had time to hit the ground. My eyes are closed now but I can hear someone calling my name so I force them open a bit. Tyson is staring at me like I was his long lost brother or something, ready to compromise his soul for me.

God bless the idiots.

I try to speak but my pathetic state doesn't help. But that guy is here too, what's his name again? Rey? Yeah, I think that's it. The tiger have half a brain so I know he'll understand my broken words.

Finally I close my eyes. I have nothing else to say but I'm pretty sure it was more than enough. Now I just have to sit and wait. Which is a good thing since I'm so fucking tired…

A lot of people are shouting. One is laughing. I don't care.

I just wish Bryan will be there when I wake up.


	16. Chapter 16

GabZ – Happy you liked it. I was afraid I was making them too cheesy. Stick around. We're very close to the end now. ^^

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

Okay, what the hell is going on? I'm pretty sure I should be in a hospital by now so why it's so dark around here? Why nobody is talking to me or making a sound or anything?

Why I'm alone?

Suddenly afraid of my new surroundings, I stare at the endless darkness like a beast would come out and jump me at any second, from any side. Why can't I be in my room or better, in Bryan's arms?

My heart misses a beat when I remember my falcon's state and a brand new lot of questions flood my mind. Was he okay? Did he get hurt? Was he in the hospital as well? How bad was it? Would he be able to visit me?

Surrounded by darkness, could I even see him?

A noise. Someone is talking? But I didn't hear anyone since I woke up. More voices. I can't understand anything at first but in some painful minutes my ears seem to go back to working. They weren't as good as they once were but it was better than nothing. At least, that's what I tried to convince myself.

I should have asked my guts what they thought about the conversation before listening to it. It would have saved me a lot of trouble. Then again I should expect something like that. After all it had already happened once.

Kay betrayed us. Oh, scratch that. There's no us. The son of a bitch betrayed everybody. He risked the whole world for a chance to beat Tyson in a childish pawn game. How the hell someone so stupid survived the abbey?

But the worst was, without Kay to complete the team, the scouts would need a blader and a very good one. There weren't many options, though. Most of the professional bladders had lost to the scouts one time or another and no one knew what Boris new toys are capable of. Except for us that is but it would never work. Spencer was too weak, Bryan would never do it without direct orders to be nasty and I…I…

Am I dead?

Suddenly the voices vanished and I was alone again. Only this time I was even more scared than before. I couldn't be dead, right? I was still here, wherever here was. I could still heard voices and think by my own and feel my breathing, my heart…It should all count for something, right? Dead people don't have a heartbeat! Neither does ghosts!

But even if my rational side was sure, my emotional side was on overdrive. Because there was a possibility that I was wrong, that Garland had indeed killed me and now I was lost in some kind of limbo, stuck between the world I knew and whatever happens to people after they die. Worst, part of me was starting to believe I would never meet Bryan again, feel his touch or his lips, heard his voice calling me softly, see his eyes glowing with unsaid emotions…Blindly I reached for my necklace…

Only to realize it's gone.

Suddenly all I know, all I can feel is pain. It's not physical, instead of my body, my heart is the one crying out. The mere existence without Bryan was unthinkable for me yet now it could be a reality. My falcon, my beloved, my Bryan…we would never…

Falling on my knees I sobbed miserably, too far gone in my pain to realize no tears were coming out. Somewhere between sobs I thought I head something but I didn't care either. All I wanted was my thorn master back!

"Tala? You awake?" – the voice is soft, almost too soft for my dysfunctional ears but I only completely deaf would I fail to recognize that voice. Bryan. Bryan was here. Raising my head I looked around in desperation, only to see darkness mocking me. Was I hearing things now? Had I finally lost it?

"It's okay, Red." – my falcon continued and just like that day on the roof he sounded very, very tired.

And then I felt it: the calloused touch I loved so much brushing the skin under my eyes, ripping away tears I could not see but felt all the same.

"You don't need to cry." – Bryan says softly and I couldn't agree more. Especially when I felt his touch lingering on my cheek.

He's right, I don't need to cry. Everything will be all right.

I just have to wait a little more.

_-x-_

I don't know what's happening. True, I never really knew to begin with but this time everything I've come to consider 'normal' had changed. And when I say change I mean big change.

Because I wasn't surrounded by darkness anymore. In fact there was so much light my eyes hurt. I can't keep them open. What now? What was left from my pathetic situation to be screwed? Honestly, the fight between Bega and the BBA had already begun, Tyson and his friends didn't have a blader to complete the group and I'm still as useful as a life size paperweight!

And Bryan still hadn't come. My falcon had come visit me every single day, if only to hold my hand or caress my face. Sure, he never met the scouts but he always showed up. Why not today? Did something happen? Suddenly I'm afraid. Oh scratch that! I'm fucking petrified! Had Bryan done something stupid like go for Boris' head or any other vital part (or all of them)?

I didn't know what I dislike the most: wake up and know my thorn master got himself killed while trying to sneak into Boris room or wake up to see the papers calling him a psychotic murderer.

Needless to say I didn't feel like choosing right now.

Which brings me back to 'what's going on?' thing. All I can tell is that's a lot of light surrounding me but nothing more. Damn it! Where the hell am I?

Tyson vs Garland!

My eyes snap open and suddenly I can't breathe. And it's not because of the pain, mind you. No, it's because somehow I ended up in a freaking stadium, watching the beystadium from all the way up on the stands and, more important, the two bladders walking forward it.

I swallow dry and look around. There are a few people standing close to me, but most of them are on the stands bellow, sitting nicely and waiting for the fight. I can recognize some faces here and there from other professional bladders and even some of Tyson's non-bladers friends as well.

Is this…my plan? The fight I've been waiting for is really about to begin?

The DJ-something shouts his usual nonsense's, the crowd repeating happily. Yep, I'm not dreaming. Not even in my worst nightmares would I give myself such headache.

But then…is Bryan here?

I narrow my eyes, trying to distinguish the small faces on the stands. It's hard and not something I'm used to do (wolfs are proud of his ears and nose after all). My search stops when I hear the countdown and I can't hope but pray to God, the devil or whatever for my plan to work.

I know we're already broken but please. Please.

May our fight not be in vain.

_-x-_

Tyson won, just like I thought he would. The scout played his part well, using me as an excuse to put just a little hate to spice the match. Not that I care, despite what other people think hate can be a powerful weapon and a hell of a burst, you just have to be careful not to let it take over. Besides, it's not like anyone noticed, or even considered Tyson capable of that. That shine on his eyes say otherwise but it's okay, it will be our little secret.

I was wondering if I would get to see the next match when something caught my attention. Like he had just materialized out of thin air I see Bryan standing a few feet from me, looking down at the bladders with a dark smirk on his face. One even I failed to appreciate.

But of course all of this go right out of the window when the fact Bryan is here kicks it. I run to his side, hand outstretched, ready to throw myself in those strong arms and make him notice me with a full, mind blowing kiss.

God, when I will learn? Because we all know there was no way in the deeps of hell my falcon would set foot on a room (even a crowded stadium) and not notice me.

The result? I walked through him. Literally. And was even brainless enough to keep staring at him, gasping like a stupid fish.

My life sucks.

The only good thing I manage out of this shameful mess was to notice the necklace, my necklace, hanging from Bryan's fist. So that's where it had been all along: Bryan's hand. Relief washes over me like a cascade and for a moment I feel numb. My legs felt like jell-o and I have to slap myself not to fall on the floor like an idiot.

Because I thought I had lost it. From the fight against Garland to my stay in the hospital there were so many chances for it to happen, for someone simply stole my first and most precious gift.

"Thank you." – I say close to his ear, hoping beyond hope he'll listen or at least feel my gratitude. And it could be just coincidence but my falcon seems to shiver oh so slightly before lifting my pendant to his eyes, his dark smirk fading into a shadow of a smile.

"I hope you got to see this, Red." – he speaks softly, as if afraid to wake me. I chuckle, mind suddenly filled with thousands of memories. People would think my untamable thorn master wouldn't care about such things, right? Fools.

Unfortunately only now I got to see the blood slowly dripping from my falcon's hand. My happy bubble pops, sending me back to a cold reality.

Because I know what Bryan will do, but I fear how far he will take it. Suddenly I realize he knows my limits with the back of his hand but I know nothing about his. Can a child that saw his dad butcher his mom even have them?

"I'm sorry." – a strange but somehow familiar voice breaks the silence. I turn and my eyes widen like plates. Here, standing next to us like a child caught stealing cookies from the jar, was no other than the silver haired lapdog I came to hate: Garland.

By the twitch on my beloved's hands I could say he was surprised as well. Turning, Bryan let his glare drop over Garland like a thousand pounds brick wall and, for a small second, I pitied the poor bastard.

Then I remembered to who he used to wag his fucking tail to and shot pity in the head.

"I didn't know things would go so far or the cage Boris set up for Tala." – probably thinking his first words weren't enough, Garland engaged in a full speech, trying to explain things and blame Boris, just like we all had done at some point – "I shouldn't have gotten so carried away, though. I did worse than just taint my family's name, I hurt my comrades and I'm deeply sorry for that. I swear, I'll do my best to fix my mistakes. This shall never happen again."

After the last word was said Garland bowed low. Probably the lowest he had ever bowed to anyone. Not that it changed anything.

"You done?" – Bryan asked in a bored voice but I could see the darkness hidden between the lines.

"I said I'm sorry." – Garland seemed to feel it too cause on the next second he had straighten up, trying to assume a fighting stance that wouldn't be so obvious – "I promise I'll never be a threat for you or your team again."

"No." – taking my necklace, Bryan carefully put it on his vest pocket – "You won't."

The moment the pocked was closed everything was gone and I returned to the darkness one more time. I could only pray to my beloved not to get caught, regardless of what he was planning to do.

_-x-_

Light. There was light everywhere. But not only light, no. That was…a dragon?

"Dragoon?"

Then it hits me: Tyson is fighting again.

But he's losing.

"We have to go. "

Looking around I see my beautiful Wolborg, her humanoid form staring at him with worry. I nod. If we don't go now, Tyson will lose.

So I unite myself with my beast and reach out, sending all the power we have.

I only hope it's enough.


	17. Chapter 17

Hey everybody! That's it, last chapter of MSLP and I still can't believe I finally finished that. After 62 pages and a little more than a year of work it's finally done. Sorry if the end was kind of lame but I couldn't think of anything better. Maybe I lost interest after so many blocks and other things that got in the way, I don't know. Either way I'm happy to finish.

Especial thanks to: **GabZ** my dear fan! May 2013 be full of joy to you! And full of yaoi too! XD Hopefully next year we will find a lot of TalaxBryan fanfics! ^^

To the rest of you I wish a nice new year. And to the one that favorited my story without leaving a review I hope karma bite you in the ass. Hard.

* * *

_My Sweet Little Pain_

* * *

It was enough. Hn. Who would have thought?

True I hoped it worked (it was all my plan after all) but still I was surprised to wake up on a hospital room and find that chubby guy staring at me with tear filled eyes.

For a moment I wished I was back into the darkness. To have someone old enough to be your grandfather crying while holding your hand is kinda creepy.

But it was all forgotten the moment in sink in: I was awake.

That means I'm alive. That means I can touch Bryan again, among other things. Score!

I jumped out of the bed, almost falling down again, body too numb to work properly. Dickenson held me, telling shit like 'easy' and 'you just wake up from a coma' but I couldn't care less. I would get out of that freaking hospital and yes, I would do it now.

At the end I had yelled to half of the hospital's staff, cursing everyone in at least three different languages. Really, I couldn't remember cursing so much in all my life, let alone a single day. But since it got me into a cab I guess I can't complain. All the rage emanating from me was also good to make the driver go faster. We reached the stadium (what was left of it anyway) in record time.

I hope chubby here have money, cause I jumped out of the cab the second it stopped, half limping half dragging myself between the piles of rubbish, eyes searching everywhere. It didn't take long for me to recognize some faces here and there, all giving me scared looks like I was some freaking ghost or something, or even to find Tyson (hadn't he won this shit already?). The one I wanted, however, seemed impossible to find.

"Tala, wait." – Dickenson was panting, trying to catch up and dodge the rubbish at the same time – "The fight is over there."

But I don't want to see it. Climbing the most stable pile I can find, I hope the extra height will give me some advantage. I don't care with Dickenson screaming I shouldn't be here, I don't care about people staring at me and calling me insane or whatever. Bryan is here and I will find him. Simple like that.

Unfortunately I must have spent all my luck on my way here. Because the once so stable looking pile of rubble came crashing down the moment I reached the peak. It didn't matter, though. I had already seen my target, and it was exactly where I needed him to be.

So I left myself fall right into his arms.

"Tal"- he tried to call me but I didn't give him a chance, sealing our lips into a mind blowing, atomic annihilating kiss. And guess what? He kissed me back just like that, all harsh and messy and so fucking delicious we could do it to the end of time and a day, regardless the gasps and stares we were receiving.

Hn. Told you we deserve each other.

As our lungs finally collapsed with lack of oxygen we separated, smirking at each other regardless out breathlessness or, in my case, pathetic condition.

"Still care, hun?" – I teased lightly. And yeah, I was probably smiling like an idiot.

"Tsc. And you? Still love me." – was his reply, before pulling me to a possessive hug. Latter he would confess he took advantage of the hug to give our audience a nice salute with his middle finger and we would both laugh our asses off (especially since I did the same) but later, not there. No, that was a sappy moment, and just like any other sappy moment it needed a nice end.

"Tala?" – my falcon whispered in my ear, making me shiver in delight. How I missed that husky tone.

"Hun?" – I groaned, lazily rubbing my nose on his neck. Have Bryan ever smelled so good?

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

I stepped away a little but didn't end the hug. And yeah, I was afraid he would disappear so go on and call me a pussy. I'll set the score latter. Right now I had better things to do.

Like watch my beloved thorn master give me back my necklace.

"By the way." – he started while closing the clasp. His cheeks turned a soft shade of pink and his eyes got fixed in something behind my head – "I think I can love you too. "

By the time his words sank it I could only smile and kiss him again.

* * *

Well, guess that's it. My pretty little life. All the good, bad, shitty, worst and shitty-er moments. From an abusive father to an even more abusive guardian to a lover sharper than anything else. And while most people would consider my falcon the most abusive of them all I couldn't care less. I love him, he loves me. Simple like that.

Then again, aren't the simple things the best ones?

As for the rest, it got pretty calm after Boris' second mess. Beyblade finally went back to be just it, a game children play with plastic pawns and sometimes bit-beasts, no more world domination involved. Guess it made things easier for everyone. We don't have to worry anymore and just enjoy out lives in peace. The megalomaniacs around the world don't have to go through all the trouble of training kids and can just save it to steal a good old atomic bomb or something. Something that isn't (and will never be) my problem.

All in all it was a win-win situation for everybody.

Especially for me. Which I have to say was a nice change.

It's our anniversary today. Me and Bryan are making three years as a couple. I brought him a new blade. There's a crescent moon and a feather engraved to it. Hope he gets the hint.

Most of all, I hope he uses his present today. All night long.

Forever.


End file.
